You are not in the right relationship. You have sensed your own unhappiness for a while. But you haven’t give up on him because you keep making excuses for him.
When he hurts your feelings, you forgive him because of how sorry he seems, because you know he never would have said such cruel things if he was in his right mind at the time, because you were the one who instigated the fight so technically it was your fault he got that angry in the first place.
You place the blame on yourself. You find a way to turn every situation around so you can be disappointed with yourself instead of angry at him.
When he flirts with other women, you forgive him because you haven’t been dressing your best lately, because you have gained a few pounds, because you haven’t been in the mood for sex the last few days, because you would rather have him stare at women in front of you than sleep with them behind your back.
When he hurts you in the most unforgivable ways, ways that force you to consider leaving him for good, you forgive him because you aren’t sure where you could afford to live without his half of the rent, because you don’t want to deal with the embarrassment of admitting you broke up, because you have a strong history with this person and you cannot remember what life felt like before they came along.
No matter how horribly he treats you, you find a reason to forgive him. You let him get away with every single mistake because you are too scared to let go. You are worried about stepping into the unknown when you should be worried about wasting the rest of your days with someone who does not deserve you.
Leaving might be the hardest thing you ever have to do — but staying would be the worst thing you could ever do.
Do yourself a favor and stop making bullshit excuses so you can continue loving him. Stop acting like all of the terrible things he have done are fine. They are not fine. And you are not fine. You need to admit that to the universe and to yourself.
You cannot continue rationalizing his behavior as an excuse to remain inside of your comfort zone. Yes, leaving him will be tough. You might struggle to find a place to live after you pack your bags. You might lose friends who take his side during the breakup. You might not find someone else to fill the empty side of your bed for a long time.
But you cannot keep making excuses to remain inside of your relationship. You cannot insult yourself by settling.
Stop making excuses for him. Stop acting like it is your fault every time he makes a mistake. He should be held accountable for his actions. He should learn there are consequences to his actions — and the worst consequence is losing you.